FUCK!
I don't know what the fuck I am doing with my life...
I wanted to be veterinarian , then E.R. doctor, then Nurse and now traveler. Are my parents supportive of my decision about becoming a traveler? No, they make it seem like I can't do it. They say "it's stupid".
Being the last of all four of their children, they had big dreams for me; and not gonna lie so did I. After all three of their boys dropped out of college after their freshmen year, they were hoping that their only daughter would make them feel like they succeeded at parenting. They wanted something to brag to their co-workers about. "My daughter finished medical school!" , "My daughter is a doctor!"
And with all that added pressure it got to me. It like I had a giant boulder on my shoulders of my parent's expectations and dreams for me and on top of that I have tiny little peddles of paying bills, passing classes, finding a job, being with the family and trying to have a social life all pushing down on me...
At first I was pursing the medical field for them, I wanted to make them proud. I wanted to be that child that they bragged about to everyone. I wanted to show them that I appreciated everything that they did to raise me, always supporting me. And I still want to do that, but after my graduation of high school I fell in a deep depression. So deep that I wanted to end it...
And one day I was sitting in class, not paying attention to the professor with his lecture about statistics, so depressed, just not wanting to be here which was one of the major things that was contributing to my depression, coming to the realization that I want to be happy, but didn't know how to accomplish that.
After awhile of pondering on the topic I came to many conclusions on what I want to do with my life. This is how I thought of it:
Life is so long to decide on your set career path at such a young age. I want to accomplish anything that I set out to do, not just getting deeper in debt every semester into something I didn't want. I want put a smile on someone else's face for at least a second, making their pain go away for that second. I want to see what the world holds and learns lessons you can't learn from school. I want to make a YouTube channel providing people with that smile on their worst days and opportunities on how to give back themselves if wanted to. I want to spread LOVE not hate. I want to do good...
How do I accomplish this? Well I began volunteering, which my father doesn't like. I began this blog which my family thinks little of it. I been looking at traveling opportunities. I also got a job to finance the traveling and throughout this process I'm getting happy.
I wake up every morning look in my mirror and spit out complements and encouraging words to myself. I smile an laugh at how silly I look with my hair all over the place and yesterdays make up barely on. I look at myself and think about how I am gonna approach today, going towards my goals and wants.
I feel better writing this... so calm, knowing that everything is gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay.
Tell me your thoughts. What are your dreams and how gonna accomplish them? Am I the only one feeling like this?
I wanted to be veterinarian , then E.R. doctor, then Nurse and now traveler. Are my parents supportive of my decision about becoming a traveler? No, they make it seem like I can't do it. They say "it's stupid".
Being the last of all four of their children, they had big dreams for me; and not gonna lie so did I. After all three of their boys dropped out of college after their freshmen year, they were hoping that their only daughter would make them feel like they succeeded at parenting. They wanted something to brag to their co-workers about. "My daughter finished medical school!" , "My daughter is a doctor!"
And with all that added pressure it got to me. It like I had a giant boulder on my shoulders of my parent's expectations and dreams for me and on top of that I have tiny little peddles of paying bills, passing classes, finding a job, being with the family and trying to have a social life all pushing down on me...
At first I was pursing the medical field for them, I wanted to make them proud. I wanted to be that child that they bragged about to everyone. I wanted to show them that I appreciated everything that they did to raise me, always supporting me. And I still want to do that, but after my graduation of high school I fell in a deep depression. So deep that I wanted to end it...
And one day I was sitting in class, not paying attention to the professor with his lecture about statistics, so depressed, just not wanting to be here which was one of the major things that was contributing to my depression, coming to the realization that I want to be happy, but didn't know how to accomplish that.
After awhile of pondering on the topic I came to many conclusions on what I want to do with my life. This is how I thought of it:
Life is so long to decide on your set career path at such a young age. I want to accomplish anything that I set out to do, not just getting deeper in debt every semester into something I didn't want. I want put a smile on someone else's face for at least a second, making their pain go away for that second. I want to see what the world holds and learns lessons you can't learn from school. I want to make a YouTube channel providing people with that smile on their worst days and opportunities on how to give back themselves if wanted to. I want to spread LOVE not hate. I want to do good...
How do I accomplish this? Well I began volunteering, which my father doesn't like. I began this blog which my family thinks little of it. I been looking at traveling opportunities. I also got a job to finance the traveling and throughout this process I'm getting happy.
I wake up every morning look in my mirror and spit out complements and encouraging words to myself. I smile an laugh at how silly I look with my hair all over the place and yesterdays make up barely on. I look at myself and think about how I am gonna approach today, going towards my goals and wants.
I feel better writing this... so calm, knowing that everything is gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay.
Tell me your thoughts. What are your dreams and how gonna accomplish them? Am I the only one feeling like this?
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